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One is that its honestly the worst sometimes, you can't get out of this little cycle in your head telling you all the awful things that will totally happen.
Two is that some people do not understand it, when you say "i cant do this" they dont get that it means "i feel physically ill and want to cry if you make me do this" not "im lazy" or "im a total wimp and i need to be forced into an uncomfortable situation"
Three is that it happens over the littlest things but they are usually associated with something bigger or with an irrational phobia
For instance ive always had an irrational fear of deep water
But i also have a fear of my mom not being there to pick me up at the bus stop because the last time i had to walk home by myself without explanation was when my dog died, and the last time my dad picked me up was when my bird died, so the walk home sends me into a panic attack and i usually cry if my mom is not there. There are reasons and sometimes no reasons and sometimes triggers.
That is all.
Two is that some people do not understand it, when you say "i cant do this" they dont get that it means "i feel physically ill and want to cry if you make me do this" not "im lazy" or "im a total wimp and i need to be forced into an uncomfortable situation"
Three is that it happens over the littlest things but they are usually associated with something bigger or with an irrational phobia
For instance ive always had an irrational fear of deep water
But i also have a fear of my mom not being there to pick me up at the bus stop because the last time i had to walk home by myself without explanation was when my dog died, and the last time my dad picked me up was when my bird died, so the walk home sends me into a panic attack and i usually cry if my mom is not there. There are reasons and sometimes no reasons and sometimes triggers.
That is all.
well that was good
reading those older journals was a shit blow to my emotional status i deleted them please ask no further questions even though this journal is pretty much just a thinly veiled late-night shot at attention to pull together my life because i'm needy
fuckety
wH oOO boy has it been forever since i checked this page
probably gonna just sort of go back and delete personal journals so no one ever fucking finds them lmao
i aint dead but i sure aint in one piece pls read
AAAaaaayyy
It's been forever since i posted
i'm really not using dA much anymore, all my art is basically just going on my tumblr, that or im not posting it at all
so like tbh a lot of shit's going on in my life rn, to all my irl friends, i just need space. i have to sort a lot of things out and i don't want to get stressed/confused when i have this situation and also school. i need to focus on those two things primarily so if i ask not to be talked to it's not personal
gonna be making the same psa on my tumblr for all who need to see it
thanks for understanding
hes being so nice
im about to fuckin ramble so
just a heads up
we're talking a lot, i'm having a lot of fun. we relate easily. we text and kik a lot and meme each other on tumblr
ive never felt the need to gush about a guy's personality like this, but he's just really awesome and friendly and inclusive and every time we talk he's just so into it and ready to talk to me and he's hilarious and has such an adorable sweet personality and maybe he's not all that conventionally attractive but the more we talk the more i notice how amazing his smile is and how he can look firm while also looking concerned or soft and how he makes eye contact when he talks to me,
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man i had no idea about this. i think it's OK to have phobias and anxiety, it's OK to be urself.